***slight hiatus due to unexpected v.i.p.-ballin'-out-of-control SXSW week (updates soon). i want to go back a few weeks, as i was nearing the end of my nearly 2 week staycation.***
One evening/after/morning (it was all blending together), as I was wallowing in bed, listening to some tunes, Coldplay's Fix You began playing. A flood of thoughts and memories and associations began to fill my mind.
This song was released about a month before I moved to London, and I played it on repeat... non-stop. I felt a strong emotional connection to the song for several reasons. Chris Martin wrote it for his wife (Gwyneth Paltrow) after her father died. And while I was seeking an adventure, and loving London, there were certainly strong bouts of homesickness being so far away from my family & friends. And the weather... oh the gloomy skies! The next year, when I moved to Ireland, my lovely Scottish friend Louise would sing this song in the most beautiful way (I love associating this, along with a few other specific songs with her singing).
Side note: I.. yes, ME... discovered Coldplay before the rest of America while I was traveling in Ireland in 2000. I remember hearing Yellow and coming back to Texas telling my friends about this "amazing new band."
So... back to wallowing in bed... this song had me thinking and feeling that I have spent much of the last 6.5 years since I've returned to Austin feeling stuck in reverse. There have been many positive experiences being back in Texas, especially on the making genuinely wonderful friends and deepening my relationship with family front. But on the other hand, I feel like my time abroad developed me personally, emotionally, intellectually, professionally by leaps and bounds in such a short amount of time.
Maybe it was showing up alone, fending for myself, having no support system, etc. I believe those were major key factors, but I can't pinpoint here what is holding me back.
For a long time here, I've mostly felt stalled at a red-light (there's a good chance I literally was too in the good ole Olds), even at times rolling backwards. Now though, it's as if I want to move forward, the lights about to turn green... I just need to put it in 1st and GO (yeah, yeah. I drive a stick shift now). Where's this fear of stalling coming from???
That's it really, no great epiphany from it all, just that I need moving forward to happen... whatever that means and entails, I am unsure. I need to be responsible for putting that into motion.
One evening/after/morning (it was all blending together), as I was wallowing in bed, listening to some tunes, Coldplay's Fix You began playing. A flood of thoughts and memories and associations began to fill my mind.
This song was released about a month before I moved to London, and I played it on repeat... non-stop. I felt a strong emotional connection to the song for several reasons. Chris Martin wrote it for his wife (Gwyneth Paltrow) after her father died. And while I was seeking an adventure, and loving London, there were certainly strong bouts of homesickness being so far away from my family & friends. And the weather... oh the gloomy skies! The next year, when I moved to Ireland, my lovely Scottish friend Louise would sing this song in the most beautiful way (I love associating this, along with a few other specific songs with her singing).
Side note: I.. yes, ME... discovered Coldplay before the rest of America while I was traveling in Ireland in 2000. I remember hearing Yellow and coming back to Texas telling my friends about this "amazing new band."
So... back to wallowing in bed... this song had me thinking and feeling that I have spent much of the last 6.5 years since I've returned to Austin feeling stuck in reverse. There have been many positive experiences being back in Texas, especially on the making genuinely wonderful friends and deepening my relationship with family front. But on the other hand, I feel like my time abroad developed me personally, emotionally, intellectually, professionally by leaps and bounds in such a short amount of time.
Maybe it was showing up alone, fending for myself, having no support system, etc. I believe those were major key factors, but I can't pinpoint here what is holding me back.
For a long time here, I've mostly felt stalled at a red-light (there's a good chance I literally was too in the good ole Olds), even at times rolling backwards. Now though, it's as if I want to move forward, the lights about to turn green... I just need to put it in 1st and GO (yeah, yeah. I drive a stick shift now). Where's this fear of stalling coming from???
That's it really, no great epiphany from it all, just that I need moving forward to happen... whatever that means and entails, I am unsure. I need to be responsible for putting that into motion.
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